THE NEW SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Ladies and gentlemen- THINGS HAVE CHANGED! Gone are the days when honesty was considered the best policy and selflessness was a golden quality. In this era, if your head is not held high with pride, you are stamped with low self esteem; if a business is not run with greed, it will never reach the top, without envy, one will never strive to be superior, ambition as they call it.

I would like to propose the new seven deadly sins, a new amendment, a new history, a new world order! So let's begin.

Deadly sin numero uno: Contentment. If you're happy with who you are and what you have, you will never yearn to be the ace. Without the hunger to improve, my friend, we're as good as dead.

Number two: Humanism. Yes, we are human, but that in no shape or form justifies us being humane! This is a dog eat dog world and if we start tending to every fallen soldier or say starving child, we'll be eaten ourselves! Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Mortal sin number three: Hard work. A wise man once said "work smart, not hard." working hard leaves one tired and with less ‘me’ time. An even wiser woman, Aunty Acid said "Don't take life too seriously, you won't make it out alive anyway."

Deadly sin number four: Tension. Just relax! World hunger? So what? Oil crisis? Pshhhh! Let the 'higher power' deal with it. The only thing stress brings is high blood pressure. You do remember that's how Mumbaz bhai died, right? The poor guy got married. This brings us down to the most horrendous sin of all, number five.

Love: You fall in love and boom, you're a goner. Seriously, folks, love, sins and death are very closely associated. Romeo, poor, naïve kid, fell in love at the tender age of sixteen and had to take poison because he couldn't take Juilet’s  endless rants about how brave Tybalt had been. Love- just DON'T do it!

Sudden death number six: Forgiveness. When you bestow your mercy upon someone, really you're just handing them a loaded gun with a smile on your face. Compassion, I say, is only in the Lord's capacity. Let's leave the tough stunts to the professionals, shall we?

And last but not least, I present to you the seventh deadly sin! The LACK of lust. Now, I can already feel the smiles playing on your lips, sorry to disappoint you but I mean the lust for power. If we didn't have  power hungry people in the world, how would we be blessed with stupendous leaders like C C Patal and good ol' Hitler?

You see, ladies and gentlemen, the world is evolving, we are no longer cavemen using the barter system, the laws of living are no longer to have a conscience. In fact, if you still have one of those, you should probably toss that bad boy out before you enter the real world. Because everyone knows, dishonesty is the best policy.

By: Shaza Malik